I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
