Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
