I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Sober January is a disaster.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
