My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
