Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
