Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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