I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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