separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize