whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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