So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
