Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
