WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
