I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
