I need help removing her.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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