i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
