I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
