So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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