I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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