i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
