i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
