And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
