I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
