My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
