I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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