i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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