I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize