tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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