exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
