How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
