I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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