As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize