if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
