I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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