what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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