I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We left the knife in your bed.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
