This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
