somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
