I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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