I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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