Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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