This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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