your parents love me but you hate me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
