Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
