I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
