moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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