I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
