plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
