I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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