Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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