i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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