It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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