Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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