I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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