My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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