i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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