and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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