pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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