I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
