How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
