I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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