Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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