In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
