...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
