on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
