It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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