and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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