Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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