I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
