and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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