but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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